Different people may act differently in the same situation. This particularly concerns hardships we have to face both at work and in our private lives. There is an opinion that couples whose views and behaviors are different from each other are better at overcoming difficulties and staying together than those who are alike.
People are unpredictable. You try to understand them, guess their feelings, think how best to do something for them, and still you’re wrong. It seems there is no consistency in them at all.
But a person should base his or her behavior and decisions on something, right?
According to the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, people are divided into two types:
Thinkers — those who make decisions based on logic and objective truths, having weighed everything thoroughly.
Feelers — those who base their decisions on feelings and intuition and think about how they would affect themselves and their close ones.
The idea is that the happiest couple is that which includes a thinker and a feeler. Of course, there are no perfect options, and everyone should decide who to love for themselves. Two thinkers or two feelers may live happily to the end of their days. Why not? However, it is easier for a thinker to live and get along with a feeler exactly because they are so different — they will each have their own approach to the same problem. For example:
1. Thinkers count on the facts. Feelers first note the emotions.
At the very beginning of a relationship, a thinker will evaluate the hard facts — the social status, financial capabilities, his or her own free time, and whether he or she actually needs a relationship right now.
A feeler evaluates the feelings. Even if all the objective reality is against the relationship, a feeler will do anything for his or her future happiness when in love.
By the way, most relationships begin thanks to feelers.
2. Thinkers notice the external signals that something’s wrong. Feelers just see that it is.
A thinker understands that the relationship has gone askew when he or she sees hard proof of that, like seeing his or her partner flirting with another person or messages from someone that read ’XOXO.’
A feeler notes the changes in body language and tone of voice. They just have a gut feeling that something’s not right, having no proof whatsoever.
And it’s the feeler who will first state that there is a crack in your relationship.
3. Thinkers see what’s bad first. Feelers see what’s good.
Any couple has to go through hard times sooner or later. However, if both partners see only the bad things, it’s as good as done.
When a thinker has given up and starts seeing only what’s wrong, the feeler mobilizes and begins seeking the good things, the reasons why they should — must! — stay together.
In a couple of the ’thinker-feeler’ type, chances are high that their relationship will last after a crisis. When there is no outright conflict yet, the feeler will cling to his or her pair at all costs.
4. A conflict for thinkers is natural. For feelers, it’s a disaster.
A thinker admits that a conflict is a problem in need of solving.
For a feeler, however, an argument is a catastrophe. They will suffer and fear until the harmony is established once again — and it must be established by all means necessary, in their opinion.
Thinkers resolve conflicts, while feelers escape from them. So if there is a fight, the thinker is better at re-establishing peace in the relationship.
5. Thinkers solve problems. Feelers wait for thinkers to do so.
If a thinker has recognized a problem, he or she starts acting to fix it — giving flowers, chocolates, or saying compliments.
A feeler doesn’t even try to do anything about it until that gross feeling of fear and hurt is gone for good.
That’s why there is always one who gives presents and the other who accepts them.
6. Thinkers want to be in charge. Feelers just want to be loved.
A thinker readily agrees to bear responsibility — he or she is comfortable with that, and feels lost when not a ’keeper’ of the relationship.
A feeler, on the other hand, accepts care no less readily, and feels equally lost when not receiving the love and attention he or she needs.
A little note for all couples: if your partner is distressed, hug him or her more often.
7. Thinkers want to understand why something’s happening. Feelers want to understand why it’s happening with them.
In a conflict, a thinker strives to get to the bottom of the problem. They need to understand completely what went wrong in their relationship. Was it that their partner had someone else? Or was the sex not very good?
A feeler will just brood on what is wrong with him or her. They will want to know what they’ve done to avert their partner, and it’s more important for them to understand their guilt in the conflict.
A thinker will try to have a constructive talk, though risking a break-up, and will have it more often than not, while feelers will just sit and think about themselves.