When we say ’every day’, we don’t have in mind that you should just say these things for no reason. Instead, use the following seven phrases in the appropriate situation, and even more importantly, try to prove the truth of them in your actions. If you can manage this, then chances are your kids will be just fine.
1. ’I believe in you’
One woman shared an interesting story about this phrase. It turns out that when she said ’I believe in you’ to her three-year-old son, her belief in him came straight back to her like a bumerang.
One time, she couldn’t find the keys to her apartment. In the end she just lay down on the sofa in despair, thinking she’d lost them. Suddenly, she felt someone pulling on her trousers: ’Mom, I know you can find your keys. I believe in you!’
These words seemed to revive her spirits. She moved a chest of drawers out of the way without thinking, and eureka! She’d found them.
The phrase ’I believe in you’ really has a motivating force which we can’t entirely explain. Saying it to your kids at the right moment is very important.
2. ’Never give up’
This one simple phrase can help encourage every child. You can use it to help them search for a way out of a difficult situation or overcome a problem. But always pay attention to the context.
The story of the same lady with a three-year-old son once again provides a good example here. Once, when they were putting a jigsaw together, the young boy tried to force one piece into the puzzle which didn’t fit, all the while repeating the phrase — ’never give up, never give up’! His mother then said to him: ’You’re right, you should never give up, but maybe you’re doing something wrong. In this case you should stop, think about what you’re doing, and come up with a new plan. If nothing changes despite what you do, you have to find a new way to get what you want.’
You have to explain to your child how important it is not to give up, but also show them that they need to be open to new ideas.
3. ’We are always learning’
Your child needs to know that coming up against difficulties and making mistakes is completely OK. Try to teach them not to get upset because of the little things they get wrong. It’s important to remind them about this not only at moments of defeat, but also ahead of important events and responsible decisions they take in their lives.
4. ’Every one was once like you’
It’s important to remind your child every once in a while that every person out there who has achieved great success in something was once just a regular person like them, and that they got where they are through hard work.
Let your children grow up in the knowledge that fighting for something is natural. Help them understand that mistakes, defeats, and struggles are not permanent. Your child should understand that all of these things form a bridge to successfully achieving one’s goals.
Let them know that patience, persistence, and diligence are more important qualities than being perfect.
5. ’Failing is not a choice’
This one’s really important to explain to your child. They should know that they have to achieve what they want by themselves, and that any experience (good or bad) which they get along the way should be understood as a valuable lesson. There’s no such thing as defeat; there are only situations which offer new opportunities for learning and perfecting one’s approach to life and work. Failing is not a choice…but this is a good thing.
The choice which they do have is to decide whether they want to learn and to grow as a result of what they’ve experienced, to forget about what they went through, love themselves and believe in their own strength.
6. ’Learn the lesson from every experience’
Every time your child makes a mistake or ends up in an unfortunate situation, ask them what they learnt from it. Talk to them about it, explain that we can learn a lesson from everything that happens to us. It should never be underestimated just how important this is.
7. ’You’re safe. You’re surrounded by people who love and care about you’
You can probably remember a moment from your own childhood when you were aware that you were safe, and felt the love and care that surrounded you. These moments of calm, warmth and harmony should surround every child.
It’s incredibly important to raise your child in an atmosphere of love and affection, and to make sure it feels safe. This will have a positive effect on its self-esteem and help it to become strong and self-reliant.
Every night when you put your child to bed, say to them: ’You’re safe. You’re surrounded by people who love and care about you.’ Say it tenderly and calmly, so that it stays in their mind and accompanies them right through into adulthood. They’ll remember it in times of difficulty, and they’ll be grateful to you. As a parent, what more could you hope to achieve than this?