There are very few adequate men left in the world, aren’t there? Many women agree with this, and they seem to even think that, in the past, everything was much better. I remember the Newsweek article based on a study by Harvard and Yale that told us women over 40 are «more likely to be killed by a terrorist» than to find a husband — and that was in 1986!
This leads me to a new thought — what if it’s not about the men?
Where have all the real men gone?
I dare say this question is inappropriate in itself. Real men have never gone anywhere; «real» is not a precise measure but a completely subjective notion. The problem is not that something’s happened with men, the problem is that many women are inadequate in their perception of a potential fiance.
A woman is often guided by a small and meager set of traits that attract her to someone. If a man shows these traits, she likes him; if he doesn’t, she doesn’t. By the way, men are equally misled in this aspect, but they are often saved by being less demanding towards their woman of choice.
This is actually a sensible mode of behavior; how else would you find Mr. Right? We watch our potential partner act in different situations, place him against an image we have in our heads, and then issue a verdict, yes or no.
There is a catch, however. A man is not always able to give you the traits you look for and expect.
Here’s an example for you. Two men come over to a girl to make her acquaintance. One of them is courteous and easy-going, sharp-witted, decently cautious, decently persistent, and decently eloquent, while the other one is talking nonsense, mutters under his breath, and basically can’t keep up the conversation.
Who’s more likely to be chosen? The first one, of course. Who will be a better partner? Now that’s a good question.
The former is good at «picking up» women, but does it mean he’ll be a great spouse? This means he’s good at making a first impression, and that’s it. It could also mean that he’s had 15,000 such acquaintances; this one is number 15,001, and he’s already looking forward to number 15,002.
The latter man may be bad at getting acquainted because he has no experience at this. He’s done it only 10 times, and just once he was fortunate. Does it mean this man will be a bad partner? No, it doesn’t. It only means he has little experience in «picking up» women. Perhaps this second man is a catch, but the woman will not notice him.
Here’s another example. A girl comes to her friend’s place for a birthday party, and there are two guys there. Both are equally good-looking, but one is closed off and sitting quietly, while the other is the life of the party. The former tried to say something to the girl once during the night and wasn’t really successful, while the latter was all over her the whole time. The question is, who’s got more relationship potential?
Once again, there are no guarantees here. Moreover, there are no guarantees that the latter man is really such a party animal. Maybe it’s just that he knew everyone in the present company, while his rival knew nobody but the host of the party.
Still, women will often think the latter is cool, while the former is not, and they won’t even notice him. Only later, when the latter turns out to be a dud, they will start complaining that there aren’t real men around.
There are, in fact, but some women just don’t see them.
Many people (both men and women) don’t know the secret. The most important factor for a good meeting is the territorial proximity; if the two people work together, live near each other or go to the same school, the chances that they meet each other and have a healthy relationship are much higher than in any other case.
Why? Because they have time to look closely at each other while they are in the same place. People see each other in different situations, and they form a better understanding of who they are. Consequently, there are much fewer situations like the ones described above. That’s why I highly recommend not looking for men, but looking for places where men and women do things together, side-by-side.
Summing it up
All I want to say is, dear ladies, if you complain about the lack of real men in your life, look closely at who you choose and how you do it. And maybe give a chance to those men you weren’t interested in before.
Observe them carefully. If a man is taciturn, bad at finding words to say when meeting you, or unable to make small talk with you, it doesn’t say anything about what kind of partner he’s going to be. Many really good men are awkward in their courting, because they are inexperienced and a little timid in the face of being rejected.
However, if you give such a man a chance, you just might live with him happily ever after.