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Till My 50s, I was Trying to Stabilize My Marriage with Someone Who Even Refused Me Sex

Love is just about feeling and Understandin it also involves the physical attachment of Both Soul and Bodies but in Case of Some People, They are untouched with all these

So here we Have A true Story You need to Read

This is my personal story about my marriage and sex and love and it has taken me a lot of courage to put it down.

I’m going to turn fifty-two and my body craves sex, but it is ruthlessly denied because I choose to remain faithful to my husband. I was a naïve twenty-three-year-old in the midst of my Masters when I got married to a wonderful man nearly nine years my senior. Though it was a completely arranged marriage, I fell in love with my husband after the very first meeting. On the flip side, my marriage brought with it an end to my quite brilliant academic career, though it also provided an escape route from my very strict, orthodox middle-class parents to a life of unimagined freedom, courtesy my husband.

Sometimes, I blame myself for allowing all this to happen, not being able to seduce my husband, learning the bitter truth about myself so late. The truth that I may be highly intelligent, very successful in my workplace, fearless and an icon of coolness to the younger generation, but I still couldn’t really keep my man. Menopause came early, creeping on me as I turned forty-five. No hot flushes… no nothing, easy-peasy but it left behind its worst signature – a gain of ten kilos.

Do I need sex? Well, not really but I’d definitely like some. At least once in a while just so that I can remember what the good ol’ days were like. I’m dry as a desert. Never tried lubrication, never tried a vibrator, where’s the need? I’m great at fantasising if I’m feeling a real need. But deep down there is a sense of shame and a sense of worthlessness because for me my sex life ended before I really understood its importance or experienced its full possibilities or just, really got down to enjoying it.

Why do I stay and still put up with this? Because even today I love my husband, I haven’t met a man better than him or more interesting than him.

And then as the rhyme goes: when we are good we are still very very good (sans the sex part).

This piece has been republished from Agents of Ishq where it first appeared.

Anamika S is a storyteller, bookworm, traveller and movie addict who’s trying to follow her heart where it takes her.

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