Love and marriage are about acknowledgment and communication. You live with that one individual for so long in light of the fact that you regard them as a companion. At the point when new couples get hitched, they are frequently confounded concerning what must be done and what shouldn’t be done. We have a list of advice that accomplished couples gave on reddit. Hear it from them and actualize some of the best things in your relationship to see how it turns out for you.
“If something is wrong, talk it out. Don’t let the fear of discussion poison your relationship. Be kind, be honest and be the one who loves the most.”
“Don’t try to compare your marriage to other married couples. Just because the Jones vacation together every year doesn’t mean you have to. My wife and I take vacations together, but we also take short solo vacations. It’s ok to spend time apart and have separate interests. Understand that you both will continue to grow and change as people. Be willing to accept that with yourself AND your partner. It’s ok that you are not the exact same person as when you got married.”
Allow them ‘alone’ time where they can regroup or enjoy a hobby. When they greet you, they will be recharged and ready to enjoy time with you.”
“Sometimes, it is okay to be upset. You need to sleep and your mind needs rest. So, don’t stress about that, just do it. Sleep.”
“If you’re having trouble making decisions, run it past your goals, which decision is going to help us reach this thing we said we both wanted sooner. It helps put things in perspective sometimes. And it lets me say ‘are those shoes worth giving up buying a house for another few months?’ talking about all of this helps a lot…”
“They snowball until you are afraid to talk about them and then they become a major problem. Happy couples fight and bitch and argue and clear the air. The ones that stew in silence get divorced because they end up hating each other.”
I don’t mean tell her that her ass looks fat or that he looks like an idiot in his fedora. I mean that drop-all-the-bullshit, really lay it out there, honesty. A lie exists until the truth is told. Marriage is for life, and the lies add up. Be straight with your spouse. They deserve it.”
“Blend your finances, don’t spend over $100 without discussion. Share the childcare, the housework, the yardwork, the maintenance. Hug and kiss every day and if one of you snores like a wookie, it is ok to have separate bedrooms.”
“Relationships take effort. Or more specifically, relationships are worth effort. The things I do for my wife take time and are not always easy, but I do them gladly.”
“Always take her side against family, while you are married she is the number one member of your family. Your family will always take you back if you break up. Exercise together, even if it’s a long walk holding hands or a bike ride, it’s healthy and you both feel better about yourself doing it. Never think about their exes or their past sex lives. All of them were preseason training for you.”
“Don’t keep secrets from each other.
I don’t mean you can’t have surprise birthday and Christmas presents. I mean don’t have locks on your phones the other doesn’t know. Don’t go out with the boys and say you are working late. Don’t lie to each other. Don’t hide things from each other. Be open with one another everything you do will effect the other one way or another, so let them know, or at a minimum do not hide it. Keeping secrets is a sure way to breed mistrust, and is a path which leads to misery.”
“If you spend your time trying to change them you’re going to be miserable. Don’t get too serious. Be silly with each other. Laughter can save just about anything. There will always be a clogged drain, flat tire, crying baby, or squeaky door. If you can laugh through it, you’ll be ok.”
“You are individuals, with different backgrounds. Don’t expect your SO to react to things the same way you would and understand that what you may feel is a compliment, may be taken an insult. If that happens, be patient, explain what you mean and be willing to listen to your SO’s take on it.”
“Just remember you are both growing and maturing both together and as individuals. These changes can cause tension, but these changes can also alert you to how much you absolutely, truly, and deeply love this individual.
Pregnant at 19, married at 20. Three kids (13, 11, & 3). Going on fourteen years of marriage in March and I don’t know how I could possibly love this man more, but I know he will do something to prove me wrong.”
“For my wife and I, personal attacks are off limits. When we fight, we are clear about what our real problem is and what we want the other to do to fix it. We don’t assume negative intentions to actions as they are usually just carelessness or mistakes. When we reach a solution or compromise, and it is carried out, the fight is over. Bringing back old fights is not allowed unless that issue has resurfaced.
Once we figured these out and stuck to them, our fights became so much more productive and healthy and we’re always able to work out problems without causing pain in our relationship. I also find it has created habits that extend to our relationships with others such as work.”
“There are times when you’ll want to walk away, there’ll be times when you could cheerfully murder your spouse. You may even consider straying. And the same applies to your other half. But, if you’re prepared to work at it, things will get back on an even keel. Don’t be afraid of telling your partner what you want or need from the relationship if you’re not getting it, but do it with kindness.”
“If you ask/tell your significant other that you are going out with some friends or whatever. If the response is ‘fine’ that needs to be the truth. If significant other wants me to stay home that evening, let me know. ‘Could you stay in instead and do blah with me instead?’ That’s cool! As long as it’s not every time ofc, but don’t say ‘fine’ and then be annoyed when I’m about to walk out the door.”
“Talk about EVERYTHING!!! Also be sure you are in 100%!! Don’t half-ass it! Marriage is hard and not being in 100% makes it that much harder!! Never go to bed angry. Say ‘I love you’ before going to bed no matter how mad you are! Do special little things, he/she shouldn’t need the world to be happy, just you and your love.”
“Fights in marriage aren’t winning/losing. Unless you end up finding common ground you BOTH lose, and it makes your marriage weaker.”
“Your relationship is not just a romantic one. It’s also a business partnership where you participate in running a home, managing finances, making decisions. You have to be good partners. Put together an IKEA cabinet. Work together as a team. If one of you gets weird about it (self-righteous or bossy or irritated) in a way that hurts you as a team, then fix it. Know each other’s and your own love languages (The Five Love Languages book) and give your spouse love in the way they receive it best. Not in the way YOU receive it best. Go do things together that neither of you is very familiar with. Take swing dance lessons, join a hiking group, do art classes, learn to play an instrument together. It’s exciting and can bring you closer unless one of you is an asshole about it. Take something that one of you is very good at and teach the other. If you can teach it well, it’s sexy as hell!”
“Don’t make big purchases without consulting your partner. Have a lot of sex. it’s facetious with that last point. A good sex life can smooth over other minor problems.”
“What is important may be different for everyone, but generally, I’m including… children (Do you both want a family? How many kids do you want?); religion; money; how you deal with each other’s families; and sex. There may be more.
I wouldn’t say newlyweds need advice. It’s engaged people that need it. If you have all of that down before you say I do, you won’t need advice after you say those words.
But I’ll add this for post-nuptials… communicate a lot and make sure you both have a good rapport and a way of rationally discussing things.”
“Make time for one another. And be present when sharing that time together. Have date nights at least once a month and sex, at least once a week.”
“You will disagree and get mad at each other, and once that word is out there as ammo in a fight it’s always gonna be there as a way to have the last word. Don’t invent the atomic bomb if you don’t have to, because once it’s out there, someone’s gonna use it.”
“The advice my grandmother gave me was ‘you will each grow at different times. It can be scary when you see your spouse growing without you. They got a new job, a new hobby, a new friend (new interests). It can feel like they are leaving you behind. But, just know that one day you will also grow and think about how you would want your spouse to support you in that growth.’ When things get tough for me I think about that.”
“It will end and when it does you will see each other for who you truly are. Remember why you fell in love with each other and don’t focus on flaws, they’ll drive a wedge between you if you let them.”
“Sometimes there will be ACTUAL poop…yours or somebody else’s…involved.
If you go into marriage expecting it to be all sunshine, rainbows and glittery unicorn poop all the time..you’re in for a bad time. It will be good. It will be bad. There will be fun and there will most definitely be things you go through that are shittier than you could ever imagine. It’s not how much fun you have together during the good times. It’s how you treat each other during the shitty times that really shows you whether or not this person is meant to be belly to belly with you for the rest of your damn lives.”
“Don’t let society/family/friends tell you what to do, If you don’t want kids, don’t have them. If you want to wait… wait. Be aware that both of you need ‘me’ time, and that is totally fine. (This was hard for me at first.) Don’t make large financial decisions without discussing it with your partner. You will fight, you both will be wrong at some point. That is life. You fell in love, you choose to get married… you can choose to stay married.”
“Usually it’s with something else and you’re the safest person to unload their frustration on. Does it suck? Sure, but it doesn’t mean you caused it or that you’re responsible for it. The best question my husband started asking (which I’ve since adopted as well) is “are you anything at me?” Meaning, am I the reason you’re acting this way? It allows several things to happen: You know it’s not related to you, or maybe it is and the conversation gets started in a non-threatening way. It lets them see that they’re behaving in a way that you’re taking poorly. This helps both of you since it teaches you what general frustration looks like and it teaches them what you take personally (side note, try not to take most things personally. Direct attacks are different) It keeps the lines of communication open.”
“Don’t test your relationship by seeing if they remember your birthday/anniversary. If you want presents and fun then mention these things, if you want arguments and depression then keep them a secret.”
“I spent way too long not sharing my feelings (good and bad) because I didn’t want to appear weak -or- thought he’d think I was silly. We’ve been married fourteen years, have four kids and our relationship is a million times better and more intimate (think lovey-dovey) than when we met/engaged/first married.”
“It’s inevitable and quite frankly it’s healthy. On this same note, don’t be too proud to be the first to apologize, life is too short for that bull shit. Sometimes my wife and I fight over who left a damn light on.”
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“Find shit other than your day to day bull shit. Hang out with each other and try to just have fun. My wife and I just bullshit and fuck with each other constantly. Just to try and make each other laugh.”