Dear heart, kindly don’t get associated with other absurd stuff. Your job is to just pump blood. This is a consistent update that we share with ourselves with regards to dating. In any case, there are a few people who consider it excessively important. But, that isn’t all. These individuals also simply go ahead and share their experiences with the world on Twitter.
And, their reactions are not just relatable but humorous and savage as well. So, we have put together some of the best moments and thoughts that individuals shared about dating on Twitter. Here they are:
date: you look upset
me: [thinking about how she just covered her fries in ketchup instead of putting it on the side] it’s nothing
— Cat Damon (@CornOnTheGoblin) August 30, 2018
*lights dim in restaurant*
DATE: did it just become sexier in here?
ME: I CAN’T SEE MY MENU
— batkaren (@batkaren) January 12, 2015
me: goes on a date
group chat: 👀👀👀👀👀👀
— queef latifah (@dopegirlfresh) July 30, 2018
DATE: I love women that are extremely honest
ME: [winking seductively] You are wearing too much cologne & it’s giving me a headache
— Roxi Horror 💀🌸 (@roxiqt) August 17, 2018
(holding hands star gazing)
Her: Watcha thinkin’ about?
Me: *looks in her eyes* Potato chips.
— Hand Solo ™ (@RdrJay47) August 29, 2018
him: let’s go check out the beds 😉
me: *mouthful of meatballs* they sell furniture here?
— scare-adactyl (@girlnarly) August 20, 2018
Saw a couple holding hands while jogging and it made me hopeful that one day I will meet someone who will hate them with me.
— Robin McCauley Lynch (@RobinMcCauley) March 5, 2014
DATE: I love playful women
ME: [dusting off an old porcelain doll in my purse & setting it on the table] Oh so you won’t mind that Cynthia joins us then-
— Roxi Horror 💀🌸 (@roxiqt) August 14, 2018
Date: I love car chase action scenes
Me, a fruit stand vendor: I think we’re done here
— Abbie (@AbbieEvansXO) June 26, 2018
Me: Alexa, tell him where the clit is.
— Just a Girl (@perfect_messs) November 25, 2017
DATING TIP: Hold the door for your date. Rip the door off its hinges. Use the door as a weapon to fight off other men. Establish dominance.
— Jamie Woodham (@jwoodham) August 2, 2013
Tinder is the best place to find a husband. Sure it’s someone else’s husband but there are a lot of husbands on here.
— Iniko Blue (@inikoblue) March 27, 2017
[introducing myself to new boyfriends parents]
“Hi, I usually don’t make it this far”
— Amanda hugnkiss (@caliluvgirl77) January 22, 2016
Him: You look tense
Me: I’m so nervous
Him: Aw. Just be you
Me: IVE BEEN HOLDING IN A FART THAT MIGHT LAUNCH ME TO CANADA
— Sufficient Charm (@SufficientCharm) June 24, 2015
Dating is collecting information about someone until you realize you don’t like them
— AmberTozer (@AmberTozer) September 17, 2013
Chances are, you’re the reason someone thinks dating sucks.
— ali waller (@imaliwaller) October 26, 2016
*I hold my date’s hand for the first time*
Date: I’ve got butterflies in my stomach
Me: same. I ate A LOT of butterflies before this
— Nate Usher (@thenatewolf) January 10, 2016
[getting ready for a date]
ROOMMATE: the key is to not seem too desperate
DATE: i love this restaurant
ME: haha i love u too
— Bob Vulfov (@bobvulfov) September 30, 2015
911 what’s your emergency?
I FARTED ON THE FIRST DATE.
Ma’am we don’t–
IT SOUNDED LIKE A BALLOON ANIMAL ASKING A QUESTION
— Dani Fernandez (@msdanifernandez) May 28, 2013
DATING HACK: instead of texting back right away, wait three days, then assume he’s dead
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) June 10, 2015
When I find the right one pic.twitter.com/LlYbfx1iUf
— Miki Minach (@Kris_Warbukkz) November 21, 2017
Me before a date: don’t dress weird, don’t act weird, don’t say anything weird.
Me showing up to that date: pic.twitter.com/kgvDIP3pJX
— Michael Tiberi (@MichaelJTiberi) August 10, 2016
Please. I am 36 and live with 2 guinea pigs.
— Noodles (@Dawn_M_) October 29, 2013
Him: You’re pretty bad at listening.
Me: *blushes* Thanks for saying I’m pretty.
— Sasshole (@RidiculousSheri) April 2, 2015
“I’m going to use the restroom *leans over table* and I counted my onion rings, there’s six.”
— Tommytoughstuff (@Tommytoughstuff) April 13, 2015