The ladies of Reddit as of late met up to answer an inquiry that has tormented men for quite a long time: “What are some ways folks can approach you to start a discussion without seeming to be a crawl?” Because we as a whole know the frightening feeling down our spine when we feel a person hindering our leave, we’re appreciative for the savvy counsel of these ladies. While the responses to this inquiry were many, there were a few shared characteristics. Here are a portion of the best ones from the string that will guide you when attempting to approach a lady you like:
“Something that helped is that my personal goal wasn’t to get in the other person’s pants, it was to know something that sets that person apart from the rest.
It has works extremely well with people I infrequently meet, opens up the door to asking further questions as you now have a good rapport. (sic)”
“If a man does comment on your appearance it should be on something like your shoes.. something indirect. Lips smile, eyes are all too personal to a stranger, unless you look like Brad Pitt. (sic)”
“Ask me about whatever it is I’m doing. If I’m playing a game, ask what I’m playing. If I’m reading a book, ask what it’s about. If I’m reading on my phone, ask what I’m reading. If I’m typing something, do not say a single fucking word because interrupting my train of thought is a good way to make me annoyed with you.
I want a guy (or a girl, I don’t care) who takes an interest in the things I like. They don’t have to like it themselves, but they have to be willing to listen to me ramble on about some/most of the things I’m into. (And yeah, I’ll listen to you ramble on about your interests in return.) So showing an interest in the things I’m doing is a nice indicator of that.
Also, don’t generically compliment my looks. I totally don’t mind hearing that my hair looks good, or that this shirt looks great on me. But don’t just tell me I’m pretty. I want a compliment that applies to me, not just any girl (sic).”
“Almost everyone in the thread has said this, but I think it’s important.
If she seems uninterested, please back off. Persistence will get you nowhere if she still has her headphones in, continues to read her book, or only gives you short answers. You can’t do anything if she doesn’t want to talk, and she’ll really appreciate it if you leave her alone.
Also, don’t corner us or block us off from an exit. Immediate red flag right there. (sic)”
“In my opinion, don’t immediately comment on my appearance. Try strike up conversation about a normal thing, mention the book they’re reading, the game/movie on their t-shirt, hell even the weather. And if they don’t reciprocate/seem interested do not, I repeat, do not keep pestering them, especially if they flat out aren’t replying or are only doing so in a very “I feel uncomfortable and awkward, please leave” way. (sic)”
“This is so dead on, absolutely. Same absolutely goes for online dating as well.
If a guy sends me a message that is solely about my appearance, I will probably ignore him because it almost inevitably comes off as creepy, cringe worthy, or that he is just looking for sex. If he says something about my interests, it shows he took the time to read what I wrote and paid attention. If he keeps messaging me, after no response or a polite negative response… just don’t do that. (sic)”
“I used to tell my guy friends that I wanted compliments on my actions or brains before I got a compliment on my looks. It just feels more sincere. (sic)”
“Strike up a conversation about something very normal, and read her body language. If she doesn’t seem interested (starts to look away, gives short answers), back off and leave her alone. I feel like that’s where a lot of men fail; going past that point and not giving the woman space. (sic)”
“Don’t go into it assuming she wants to talk to you. You could be nice, funny, attractive, have a great conversation topic…. and she just doesn’t want to talk to you. Let her go. The creepiest thing is when someone continues to talk to you even when you are trying to make them go away.
It might not be you. She might be having a bad day and doesn’t want to talk to anyone. She might just not want to talk at that time.
If she’s giving one word answers, subtly turning away from you, not smiling, not putting down whatever she was holding/working on /looking at..let her go.
That said, if she wants to talk to you, try to be normal. Make a joke, a comment on the weather, an interesting fact. (sic)”
“Confidence, not arrogance. Learn the line, because arrogance is the least attractive thing in the world to me.
Honestly, I welcome any conversation, and I’m not going to think you’re a creep if you come up to me and just talk like you’re comfortable. I can tell if you’re nervous, and I’m not going to judge you for it. As long as you’re not making unsolicited comments about my appearance or trying some creepy line on me, we should have a nice convo. (sic)”
“You can always use the location/atmosphere to strike up a convo. I think sometimes guys try to start a convo by giving a compliment and depending on what that is, it can be off-putting. For instance, creepy: “Hey you are really pretty!”
Not creepy: “Hey, I like that shirt! Is that a reference to (insert show/band/whatever is relevant)? I love that show/band/etc!”
But going back to the location, you can always play off that. Is it a bar? Suggest one of your favorite beers if she’s drinking a beer. Is it at a sporting event? Maybe start a convo by asking her who her favorite player is.
The reality is, we don’t expect you to be overly charming or sweep us off our feet. I appreciate someone making an effort, especially when I can tell the guy is down to earth. I also always appreciate a good sense of humor, so playing off that works too. (sic)”
“Complaining about something you’re both experiencing is guaranteed to make you bond. Bus taking long? Long line at a good store? Etc. And it’s easy to bust out stories about funny bus moments or what have you. (sic)”
“Literally just make eye contact, smile, and say ‘hi, how’s it going?’ If you are at a party/bar/more social setting introduce yourself first. ‘Hi I’m blah blah’. Having a positive attitude is the most important thing, just be casual and relaxed (I know, easier said than done, but you just have to practice). It gets easier. Try practicing by starting small conversations with people like bartenders or Uber drivers or retail people. (sic)”
“Introduce yourself. Don’t bring anything up that will even have a slight chance of making her feel objectified (example: not shit like “Oh I love college girls”). Be a normal human being. Don’t do anything quirky or bizarre to try to impress her.
Most importantly, if she’s giving those fuck off vibes, please fuck off. (sic)”
“My statement stands. If you just talk to girls you’d like to date and that’s all you see them as, you miss opportunities to form really meaningful relationships with people for the lack of getting to know them properly first. I ended up marrying someone who usually wouldn’t have qualified as ‘want to date’.
What I mean is kind of hard to explain but I think that’s the best I can put it. (sic)”
“I haven’t had a lot of people approach me in person, but the ones that have gone over best have been ones who try to make a conversation based off of a shared experience. For example,
*Commenting on a book I’m reading if you’ve read it too, or know the author.
*Commenting on a mutual activity we’re participating in.
*Asking about my knowledge on something and genuinely listening.
*Making a joke about a long line
Family, Occupation, Recreation, Dreams. Try to stick to one of those. I don’t mind nervousness whatsoever- only because I’ve been there myself and I know how scary it is to put yourself out there to try to improve your conversation skills. But just a hello can’t keep a conversation going- there’s no meat to it, and it’s hard for either person to continue it from there. But shared experiences/situations allow you the opportunity for a conversational ‘in’ that feels natural. Also limit physical compliments- don’t get me wrong, they’re flattering, but there’s only so much a girl can say to “You have a gorgeous figure”. Well, gee, thanks, I grew it myself I guess? (sic)”
“Just be a genuine human don’t go after women like they’re a game to win. (sic)”