Comedian George Carlin used to state, “I have this bad habit… It’s called “thinking.” And he was correct. He had the capacity to see the very quintessence of things and needed everybody to at long last rub their eyes and quit stop lying to themselves. In his shows, Carlin discussed the most unstable subjects, and taught people to laugh, not only at themselves, however even at the things that no one laughs at. This is the reason he wound up famous worldwide and was an example for a lot of amateur comedians.
- It’s not important to get children to read. Children who wanna read are gonna read. Kids who want to learn to read are going to learn to read. It’s much more important to teach children to QUESTION what they read. Children should be taught to question everything. To question everything they read, everything they hear. Children should be taught to question authority. Parents never teach their children to question authority because parents are authority figures themselves, and they don’t want to undermine their own mistakes inside the household. So they stroke the kid and the kid strokes them, and they all stroke each other, all grow up all spoiled, and then they come to shows like this.
- Something else I’m getting tired of… There’s all this silly stuff that we have to listen to all the time about children. It’s all you hear in this country… Children, “help the children!” “what about the children?” “save the children!” You know what I say? Stop it! I also know all you single dads and moms who think you’re such heroes aren’t gonna like this, but somebody’s gotta tell you for your own good, your children are overrated and overvalued. You’ve turned them into little cult objects, you have a child fetish, and it’s not healthy! <…> Everyone thinks their children are special. <…> And none of them will hear the truth about themselves until they are adults and their boss tells them, “Bobby, pack your stuff and leave. You’re a loser!”
- Listen! Kids don’t smoke because a camel in sunglasses tells them to. They smoke for the same reasons adults do, because it’s an enjoyable activity that relieves anxiety and depression. And you’d be anxious and depressed too if you had to put up with these pathetic, insecure, yuppie parents who enroll you in college before you’ve figured out which side of the playpen smells the worst. Look, it’s no surprise that children start smoking! It helps!
About Government and Politics
- On the radio, they say that 2 by 2 is 5. You’re surprised. Then, the president says the same thing, live on TV, giving you some strange proof you don’t believe. You get angry, you go outside and tell everyone that 2 by 2 is 4. Specially educated people beat you and take you to a math control organization where they use weapons to explain to you that 2 by 2 is 5. You leave this place and you believe that 2 by 2 is 5. This is pretty much how any government works.
- I could never understand the concept of being proud of your country. I think that you should be proud of something you have achieved yourself and not of something that happened accidentally. Being Irish is an accident, but not a skill. You can’t say, “I’m proud I was born on May 16th” or “I’m proud that I have a predisposition to colon cancer.” So, why are you proud of being American, Irish, or anything else?
- Politicians usually hide behind 3 things: the flag, the Bible, and children.
- War is how rich people protect their interests by making the middle class and poor people die.
- Look at the world we live in. Or at what we are turning this world into. We cut trees, we drain lakes and rivers, we use oil, we build factories, nuclear plants… “People are the crowned creations of Almighty God?!” Any dirty rat in a dumpster is more perfect than us. At least, it doesn’t do anything self-destructive, it lives in harmony with the world no matter the environment. And us? We are an ulcer on our planet. Parasites the planet should get rid of.
- We have the best education but we are not smart enough, we have the best knowledge but we can’t assess a situation, we have more experts and more problems, we have the best medicine but poor health. We got to the Moon and returned, but it’s hard for us to cross the road and meet a new neighbor. We know a lot about space, but so little about ourselves. We learned about atoms, but we still have superstitions.
- When people decide to stop a close relationship with someone, they often use the phrase “move on.” Like, “I caught Steve in bed with a stripper and they were doing dirty stuff. And I decided that I have to move on.” And I think that if there’s anyone who’s decided to move on, it’s Steve.
- Here’s all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
- The real hobby of our generation is whining and talking about nothing. A bad relationship, problems with education, a stupid boss. This is all nonsense. If you can do nothing, the only stupid person here is you. And you’d be very surprised to know how many things can be changed if you just get your butt off the couch.
- Something else I don’t understand — motivation tapes, motivation books. What happened to you? Someday everybody needs to be motivated? It’s a fairly simple thing — either you want to do something or you don’t. What’s the big mystery? Besides, if you were motivated enough to go to the store to buy a motivation book, aren’t you motivated enough to do that? So, you don’t need the book, put it back, tell the clerk: “I’m motivated, I’m going home!”
- Motivation is nonsense, if you ask me this country could use a little less motivation. The people who are motivated are the ones who are causing all the trouble! Stock swindlers, serial killers, child molesters, Christian conservatives? These people are highly motivated, highly motivated. I think motivation is overrated.