In an open letter written by Torianne Elizabeth posted on Open Letters That Matter, the thoughts and feelings are captured aptly. It’s melancholic but beautiful.
I think about you constantly.
I wonder what life would be like if you were still here. I imagine all of the things you’d say. I imagine all of the different adventures we would have gone on.
I wonder who I would be if you were here. I wonder what we would all be like. I think about all of the different ways things would’ve turned out with you in our lives.
I miss you all the time. I miss you so much that my heart hurts. My heart literally clenches tightly when I think of you, as though it’s trying to hold itself together while my thoughts try and tear it apart.
Time is supposed to heal all wounds but, it seems as though time just provided me with a band-aid that gets old and falls off more often than not.
I know you’d hate it, but I still cry for you. I still sit up at night and wish that you were here. I still talk to you and ask you for advice.
I can’t help but want you here. Life has moved on but my heart and emotions haven’t. I can’t move on.
I have your picture everywhere. I think it’s because I’m afraid that one day I’ll forget your face.
God… I hope that never happens.
I don’t remember your voice anymore. I remember things you said, but it’s been so long that your voice has faded from memory.
I refuse to let you fade completely.
I won’t do that to myself. You are the memory that I cling to when things get bad. You are the hope I hold onto when things get dark.
I need you, and your memory is all I have left. So, I’ll keep it alive for you.
I will carry you in my heart wherever I go in life. I will petition God to have you as my guardian angel if that’s what it takes to keep you with me.
I know that you are up there watching me. I know you look down and keep guard over me.
I can only hope that I’m making you proud. I can only hope that I’m what you imagined I’d be in life. I can only hope that you’re smiling at me and not up there shaking your head.
I won’t hope that you miss me as much as I miss you, because missing you is painful. Missing someone is too painful for Heaven to allow inside its gates. It’s too painful for me to wish on anyone, especially you.
I love you.
And I miss you more than you’ll ever realize.
By Torianne Elizabeth
Artwork by Nigel van Wieck
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