In 2015, a 15-year-old began a Tumblr account that soon went ahead to wind up a tremendous achievement since it turned into a storehouse of letters that were never sent to their beneficiaries. These letters are flawlessly composed with words that were never said. They’re passionate to the point that they’ll influence you to need to state everything that you’ve been importance to, to the individual you’ve been needing to.
I wrote you a letter a month ago but it wasn’t posted. It’s okay, I remember what it said. It said that we got too close to fast, and it was confusing. Our friendship was a mess. Passionate, turbulent, wonderful.
You move through the world by harnessing control. I move through it by relinquishing it, by pleasing and serving and giving. You exploited me. But still,
I can’t stop thinking about you. Despite the fact that we’re both too prideful to ever say anything. To ever admit to this strange, special *thing* between us
We’re not so close anymore. We needed distance since September, when our tension climaxed and you spun out of control–that must have scared you.
There were other guys in my life. They came, they went. But here I am, still thinking of you. I know you’re thinking of me too.
(PS: if you kissed me I would kiss you back)
I am so irrevocably in love with you. I don’t know if anything can convince me otherwise that we aren’t meant to live our lives together. we fit together so beautifully, and even when we have problems (believe me, we’ve had them), we’ve somehow gotten through them, for better or for worse.
When i’m with you, colors are no longer just colors. they become spectral explosions that dance across my eyes and make the world so much more beautiful to be in and look at and feel and even to listen to.
Please, never leave me. If you were to leave, my walls in my room would no longer be bright blue and green; my walls would turn into a deep gray, and my world would be drained and devoid of color. You know me… I love everything colorful.
C, the one who can’t wait to spend the rest of her days with you.
After knowing what it’s like to be apart from you, I’m never sleeping apart from you again. At least, not until after I graduate. We’re almost 1/6 of the way there, love. It flew by like it was nothing.
I want to wake up to the best thing in the world, which means I want to wake up next to you forever.
I should have kissed you when I had the chance. When your face was not even inches from mine. You were right there and instead of holding you and never letting go I turned my head because I was too afraid of loosing you. I think I’ll regret those seconds that felt like hours for a long time.
I keep writing to you on here because I’m too afraid to make eye contact with you when I see you in person. I’m trying to pretend like it was nothing, but here’s the honest truth.
I’ve hated myself for a very long time now, but when you kissed me, I could only focus on the feeling of your chest against my hand and your stubble grazing my cheek. I’ve been drowning myself in vodka and liquor for months and you’re the first good thing that has ever come out of a unsober night. I’ve felt nothing for as long as I can remember, and you made me feel electric, tingly. You made me feel wanted, like I mattered, like there was someone there who cared if I lived or took another walk up to the highway bridge off campus. Somehow, for some reason, you mean something to me. You’re the first one who has ever actually meant something to me.
And I hate that you’re important to me. I hate that now I’ve dragged you into this ugly wreck of a life that I’ve been forced to live, hate that I look for you in the halls and that I imagine your arms holding me when I can finally drift off to sleep. I hate that I rested my head on your shoulder. That I let you leave a mark on my jaw and on my heart. It’s too scarred now, you wouldn’t want my heart anyway, please go away and leave it alone and you won’t get hurt. I don’t want you to get hurt.
At the end of the night you told me that you were sorry and I wanted to cry. I can’t decide if being numb is better than what I’m feeling now. I think that it is. Please don’t let me hurt you too.
With whatever is left of my shattered heart,
You are so beautiful in the mornings. Your skin against messy sheets, sunshine spilling over your hair and your face. half-lidded eyes and a lazy smile.
You seem vulnerable in the mornings, happier, maybe. More at peace, serene and like a goddess.
I am so lucky to have you here.
I haven’t seen you, for a while now. I think it’s been three months. Still I think about you; I miss your easygoing humor, your ability to make anyone smile, your kindness. God, I miss it all. I miss you. Y has changed so much I sometimes can’t stand it. G has changed even more, because of Y. And H, well, I love/hate him still for being a hilarious asshole. Z is so depressed it’s almost annoying. J is my only anchor. If you were here, I think I would actually enjoy life a little more. I wish you were still here. Anyway, that’s all you’ve missed. I’ll be sure to write more letters like this; it makes me feel a little better.
We haven’t been dating for very long. But when you say you love me and I say it back, I hope you know that I mean it. When I say I’m in love with you, I’m telling the complete truth. When I gaze at you and call you perfect, I mean you are absolutely positively perfect. When I say I miss you, I mean it feels like a part of me is missing when you’re gone. I mean every word I’ve said, and dear god I hope this lasts. Maybe I’m too clingy…but I’m praying that you’re the one. I want to be this happy forever, especially with you.
I’ll love you longer,
Thank you for quite literally being the only one that was there for me in that moment. It was well over a year ago, but I will forever be thankful that you somehow made your way into my life. You have no idea how much I truly love you, and I can’t believe that such a good person came into my life. I don’t know what I did to deserve you.
You’re my best friend, and you know you have my complete support in everything you choose to do.
A million thank you’s won’t be enough to express my gratitude.
Also, I better be maid of honour at your wedding. If not, I’ll be best woman to your boyfriend. You’re perfect for each other.
I love you so so so so so much.
It’s awful to know how much control you have over me, and without even trying. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I can’t do anything anymore because my every waking second is spent worrying about seeing you tomorrow.
I’m both exhilarated and terrified.
It pisses me off that I have so many feelings for you and that you text me all the time. Not because I don’t love it and like you and love the way you make me laugh, but because I am your superior.
I don’t want to lose my job or be forced to go elsewhere because of this. There is too much at stake for me because I like you. It’s driving me nuts.
I’m also annoyed that I am several years older than you. I don’t usually like this.
I swear you know how I feel and I’m sure you realize how much I’m trying to hide it because I don’t want the other managers to know. Are you talking to me so much and coming in on your days off because you like me too or is it because you’re playing with me?
I can’t tell and I hate this.
Stop this please.
It’s been almost three years. I still miss you to this day. I think I’ve gotten over you to a certain extent but not enough to stop the occasional thought of you to creep into my thoughts. Some things still remind me of you. I don’t know how to prevent the thought of you and I honestly don’t think I want to. I lost you and I don’t think I want to lose your memory, too. It’s still so hard to think about the fact that things got so tremendously fucked up but since I know there’s nothing I can do now, I have accepted it. I hope you’re doing good.
Just know that I’ll always love you.
Please don’t hurt me like she did. I beg you. If you aren’t in this like I am, please tell me. Because I can’t go through that again. You’re the first girl I’ve actually liked since she completely broke my heart and it’s terrifying. I never thought I’d be able to open up to anyone again but I can’t stop thinking about you. Please don’t hurt me. I’m pretty fucking fragile.
Dear J with the stars in his eyes,
I’ve wrote to you too many times on here, some letters have been posted and some have been lost, but who cares, I could resume all of them in 3 words.
I love you.
Your smile makes me laugh, your laugh melts my heart. Your words heal my heart, your voice makes me smile.
You are my favorite person, my favorite sound, my favorite star.
Thank you for existing, thank you for being that special.
I think I’m ready to let you go. I know I never really had you in the first place but still, it’s the sentiment that counts. I had you in every way it could have mattered. I loved you, I wanted you. I would have torn myself apart to please you. I would have destroyed myself rather than face the truth that you would never love me, never want me the way that i want you. so, see, it’s a good thing that I’m ready to let you go. You’re a hazard to my safety. Oh, how I wish that weren’t true. You used to be my safe place. I could talk to you when the anxiety made it impossible to talk to anyone else. Now? When I look at you all I see are missed chances, and a string of almost’s, maybe’s. I look at you and see all the love I’ve wasted and never got in return. I look at you and I see my ruin. It’s time to let go. I loved you, goodbye. You’ll always be my ‘almost’,